If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
a search helicopter?!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize