I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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