Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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