This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
