dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize