Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
