u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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