Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
