I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize