dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
