and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
