Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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