Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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