There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
