Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My vagina just clenched in fear
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
