high people should be assigned attendants
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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