You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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