home. puking in laundry basket.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
only you would photoshop your dick
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
