**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I currently don't understand fingers.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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