At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What changed your mind?
Being sober
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
