dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
