I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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