My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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