Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
try to milk me bitch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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