and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
