all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's the barista slut.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
