Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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