had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think my moral compass just broke
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize