Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
