I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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