we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
