im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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