bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
