He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
