Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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