i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
