but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
