some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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