I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
