i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
