p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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