I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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