Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
