is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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