I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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