i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
