a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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