I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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