He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
