..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
