You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
