my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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