her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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