just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
