he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
