i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
