please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
