I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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