You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
