He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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