I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
