actually, I'm a sock model
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
