well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
