you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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