He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
