oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
