dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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