We're facebook friends in real life
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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