My cat gives me a boner
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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