yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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