we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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