Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
