HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
