I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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