I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize