it hurts more in the daytime
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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