I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
