Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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