Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
