wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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