just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
