I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
