I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
