We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
