I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
