It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
