I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
