My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
