I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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