There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
