Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
