id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
