The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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