Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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