Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
