I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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