PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize