you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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