its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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