If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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