dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
50% drunk capacity currently
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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