the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
