remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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