The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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