the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
