This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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