goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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