wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
